The Process of Restoration

In my early recovery, when i was overwhelmed with life and responsibility my sponsor would recommend bathroom breaks with a little light reading to deal with those feelings.

It was before the existence of cell phones and the publishing of the basic text, so my go to literature was the little white booklet. By the end of my first year I practically had it memorized.

Then my sponsor began giving me what today i know to be exercises in being present or mindfullness. The aim was to help me learn how yo slow things down and reduce stress.

The 1st exercise she gave me was to memorize a new slogan every day for the first 30 days and try to put it into action during that day. Everyday after the meeting i was to call her and leave a voice mail as to what i learned about the slogan.

The 2nd exercise she gave me was to say the serenity prayer slowly, pausing for at least one second to reflect on each word. The assignment was considered complete when i was able to take 3 minutes to complete the serenity prayer, while allowing all other thoughts or inner dialogue to quietly die down. It took me till my 90th day to achieve that.

The 3rd exercise, which began on my 99th clean day, was to sit still and do absolutely nothing for one minute.  During that time i was only to recite the first part of the serenity prayer only once. It took me over 3 months to be able to do that. When I finally mastere I excitedly ran to her just before the meeting started and with a big smile she said: "Good, now try doing it for 2 minutes." Just then I realized this recovery thing was a process, not a destination.

What these exercises ultimately did was to help me slow down enough so that I would learn how to interrupt/curb the compulsion of the disease and the impulse to use external actions and substances, long enough for the urges and cravings to die a natural death.

That physical process of prayer and meditation were the initial actions that lead to my mental restoration. In those moments of reflections during my first assignment I was not only able to see my disease through the prism or filter of recovery, I was also beginning to discover myself and who I was in relation to others on this planet..